apparently this is my...future?

Direct quote from tonight's fortune cookie: "I spent the time prepare the song, while the song is not being sung." [sic] [I promise]

Apart from the usual complaint that it's not even a fortune, this one is not even addressing the reader. And obvious typo-age aside, it's as though this fortune is the friend that asks you how you're doing then proceeds to ignore you as he/she unloads a great deal of rather depressing information you didn't indicate you wanted to hear. And no matter what you do to try to change to conversation or cheer them up, they're going to go on lamenting their sorrows. In a wistful voice. Can't you hear the wistfulness?

You can't even use the old "in bed" trick to save this one; it only makes the statement more nonsensical, and not in a funny way. I feel bad should someone get this while dining out with a large group of friends. Everyone goes around the table, sharing their fortunes and laughing and oohing and shouting "In bed!" in unison, and then it comes to you. And you read yours. Without having read it beforehand. And no one reacts at first - everything is silent Then the guy at the other end of the table, clearly lost in thought, goes, "Huh." And suddenly everyone is inexplicably sad, and it's your fault. And it doesn't matter that when you flip over the paper the other side teaches you the Chinese word for "noodle", 'cause no one cares now.

In a barely similar vein, I never have any intention of eating frog, but this article from Chichi Wang's column The Nasty Bits was riveting. The column centers around the use of offal and other unusual meats in Asian cooking, so it's fun to get at least a basic understanding of these less common foodstuffs. Dream!